Our firm is now working with a client whose chief purpose in life is aging in place. She wants to be in her home and take care of her beloved dog. We are trying to make that happen for as long as her circumstances allow.
Those circumstances make the ongoing reality of such simple desires challenging. She needs more and more aid and attention. She cannot drive or shop for herself. Cooking and cleaning, and dressing and self care are with assistance. She has a thinning ability to achieve the regular activities of daily living, which are the basic criteria for long-term care.
She has sufficient funds to provide support, but it is an exhausting effort that may not be safe. It is a real question and a recurring judgment call about what is best for her.
Her situation is challenging, partly because she has no family devoted to her care. She has a friend who is going above and beyond what would be expected, and a law firm that agreed to manage the finances.
However, as with many things, saying “Yes” and now living up to it were entirely different from what was anticipated.
Our client, like so many seniors, craves her independence and a sense of place. Almost all wish to remain in their own home and “aging in place.” Being independent in your senior years benefits everyone. However, if aging brings illness, professional home caregiving may be unaffordable, says The Winston-Salem Journal in the article “Who will help me to age in place?”
Even though they want to remain independent, family member participation may be necessary for this to happen. Family caregivers may live with aging parents, serving as guardians, trustees, or power of attorney agents on their parents’ behalf. They may perform many tasks, including cooking, cleaning, and monitoring their medical or home care. They may take care of the home and take aging parents on outings.
Loyalty to aging parents runs the gamut, from daily contacts and living together, to children who vanish as soon as they are financially independent. While our biology may dictate that close family members are genetically predisposed to care for us most, it’s not everyone’s experience.
I have told new employees to pay attention to who is coming to through our door. They are often living examples of love in action and are telling the most beautiful love stories you will ever hear if you just pay attention. How does that usually happen?
If your goal is to have parents, children, and grandchildren all spend time together as the generations move through their lives, the time to start is while you are parenting. The most important thing you can do to increase the likelihood of having family members who value each other and care for each other is to raise children with love and kindness.
You should limit the amount of time that children spend with electronic devices. Making family connections and teaching caregiving skills within the family, requires time and attention. Teach your children empathy and caregiving through gardening, caring for plants and pets, and letting them see how you take care of siblings, parents, grandparents, friends, and the less fortunate through volunteer work.
Our children learn more from what they see than what we say. By teaching your children to respect and care for those they love, you will be creating a family legacy based on your values. This will be as much a part of them, as any inheritance you can leave them.
Part of caregiving is managing the legal and financial aspects of your life. Ensure that your family members have an estate plan in place, including a will, financial power of attorney and health care power of attorney. Caregiving for others involves preparing for the ups and downs of life. This shows your children that there are things we do for ourselves and for others that make life easier for those we leave behind. It is an important life lesson for each generation.
Reference: The Winston-Salem Journal (March 5, 2019) “Who will help me to age in place?”
Suggested Key Terms: Aging in Place, Caregiving, Family Legacy, Will, Power of Attorney, Health Care Power of Attorney