I’ll Be Home for Christmas…
Reflections from 40 Years in Estate Planning
“In my line of work, January is when the phone rings — and the Grim Reaper returns from holiday break.”
After forty years as an estate planning attorney, I’ve come to expect a few seasonal certainties: pumpkin spice in October, too much family togetherness in November, and — without fail — a surge of “Mom just passed” calls in January.
A surprising number of people seem to hang on through the holidays before taking their final bow. Every year, just as I’m boxing up leftover cookies and pretending that gym membership will matter, my office line lights up like a forlorn Christmas tree. A time of year so rich in memories and emotions.
And each time, I think: They made it through the holidays. They really did.
So… Do People Actually Hold On?
For years, I assumed this was merely a quirk of my caseload — a byproduct of families waiting until after the festivities to call the lawyer. But national data tells an interesting story.
We know that the winter months have higher overall mortality in the United States. December, January, and February form a sort of “seasonal trio” where health challenges stack the deck. The cold, the flu, and the added stress of holiday travel all play their part.
But in my decades of practice, the pattern isn’t that December is full of departures. It’s that January becomes the month of reporting, processing, and facing the practical reality of a December loss.
“Grief may not take a holiday, but phone calls to the estate attorney certainly do.”
Some people truly do seem to cling to life just long enough to sit at the table, hear the carols, or see one more round of gift exchange. I’ve had families say, “She kept telling us she just wanted one more Christmas.” And then — almost as if the mission was completed — the decline became swift.
The Emotional Physics of the Season
The holidays carry a sort of gravitational pull — memories, rituals, unresolved conversations, and an almost universal desire for one last taste of those times. Even those in fragile health seem to sense the moment.
I’ve witnessed clients who, by all medical predictions, should not have made it through Thanksgiving… who instead insisted on reading the Hanukkah blessings one more time, demanded the tree go up early, or rallied just long enough to hear Bing Crosby croon “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.”
“Perhaps the final act of love is hanging on long enough for the people you care about to say goodbye without realizing that’s what they’re doing.”
And then comes January
January is the month when families finally steady themselves enough to face paperwork. They call me sounding apologetic — as though they’ve personally delayed the administration of justice:
“We didn’t want to bother you during the holidays.”
“We needed a little time.”
“We knew it was coming, but… well… it was Christmas.”
I always tell them the same thing: You aren’t late. You’re human.
If December is the month of holding on, then January is the month of letting go — legally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.
A Final Thought: Why This Matters for Planning
Every time I watch this cycle unfold, I’m reminded that estate planning isn’t about death. It’s about love, timing, and the quiet wish we all share: to leave our families with peace rather than chaos.
“In estate planning, we don’t just manage what people leave behind. We honor why they held on.”
I hope you can enjoy your time at home for Christmas, Hanukkah, or Festivus, for the rest of us.