Having gratitude is not only the right thing to do for others: it turns out its the right thing to do for ourselves.
Here are some thoughts on this subject by our Erik Turkman, Associate Attorney:
There’s no shortage of research showing that gratitude has many beneficial effects. These encompass both mental and physical benefits, including a decreased risk of depression and anxiety, better coping mechanisms, quicker recovery times from illness, and an improved overall sense of wellbeing. But, let’s face it, with the parade of atrocities foist upon us daily through news outlets—school shootings, stock market gyrations, cataclysmic weather events, ongoing political turmoil—it can be easy to lose sight of the things in life we are grateful for. It can be especially hard to show gratitude on demand, like when Thanksgiving rolls around.
I was remarking about this challenge to my wife, who, in her infinite wisdom, pointed out that gratitude is not a condition we experience; it’s a practice we cultivate. I thought about this for a moment and realized that, obviously, I haven’t been practicing enough.
So, how does one practice gratitude?
Researchers at Yale University suggest that gratitude is not just a willy-nilly emotion, it is more like a radio channel that you can tune in at any time you want. They have proposed a way of cultivating a practice of gratitude that includes three key steps.
First, pay attention. Not just to the momentous things, but to little stuff, the mundane experiences that occur throughout the day. Did you catch a glimpse of a spectacular sunset? Did someone show you an unexpected act of kindness? Did you have a particularly restful sleep? Even challenging and painful moments can offer insight. Approaching painful experiences with gratitude for even life’s difficult lessons can divert one’s attention away from a sense of victimization.
Second, researchers suggest writing about gratitude. Keeping a gratitude journal is one potential practice, organizing and contextualizing experiences within a framework of gifts and gratefulness. Writing allows one to expand on the goodness in life. While keeping a gratitude journal may not be for everyone, the key idea here is to reflect in a deliberate and conscious manner on the good things in life, no matter how small.
Finally, expressing gratitude is the last key step. Expressing gratitude can take many forms. It could be sending a letter to someone with whom you share a special connection. It could be some form of creative expression—visual art, music, dance—and many faith traditions offer opportunities to express gratitude. Of course, holiday gifting can be an expression of gratitude. The point is to get your gratitude into the world, letting your gratitude be known, especially to those who are the source of it.
So, what am I grateful for?
Here at the Downs Law Firm, we work with death, disability, and dying, pretty much all day every day. It may be hard to imagine cultivating gratitude in this context. Many of our clients intellectually understand that they will die sometime. Still, they would rather put off planning, talking about what would happen “if” they die rather than “when” they die.
In my own work, I am grateful for the opportunity to help our clients gain peace of mind by designing their estate plans, making plans for potential incapacity and the ultimate certainty of death. I am especially grateful for opportunities to help the parents of special needs children, both minors and adults, who know full well that their children will never be able to live independently. Yet, these parents also know that they will inevitably die someday, and their children will be thrust into the world, ready or not. The best they can do is put a good plan in place and pray for the best.
I will never forget one client who, after signing her estate plan, which accounted for both a disabled spouse and a special needs child, breathed an enormous sigh of relief and turned to me, asking, “Can I give you a hug?” I felt her tremendous gratitude in that embrace.
Not once in my law career did I imagine that my clients would ever want to hug me, a lawyer, a member of the most despised profession on the planet. I don’t know who felt better that day, me or my client, but the gratitude of that moment has lingered long in my memory. I’m grateful for that.
References:
“Gratitude Practice Explained,” Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, available at http://ei.yale.edu/what-is-gratitude/
Tom Downs, again.
Margie and I and our entire staff are grateful to you for giving us the opportunity to serve you and your loved ones with your estate planning needs. We appreciate your desire to be good stewards of what has been given to you.
We hope you take the time to be grateful for the blessing granted to you. We wish you and yours a blessed Thanksgiving and holiday season.
